I am about to walk out the door and drive to my baby's high school graduation. I am not ready for this. Ok, I am clothed and have a fabulous skirt on - and my hair even looks great for this horribly humid day. But I am not ready. She thinks she is ready, but I know she is not. I probably thought I was ready back in 1902 when I graduated (no, that's not a typo - tee hee). Since Aspergers is so very prevalent in her dear life, she thinks that she is 18 and now a graduate and by golly, she is ready to make ALL decisions and do whatever she wants. That scares me. It should scare her. Actually, I think it does and so she is not so calm, cool and collected these days. I'm not either.
Her dad reminded me of how, when she was a toddler, she would climb and climb to the top of the jungle gyms with no fear. We would have to stand underneath her and with great fear and anticipation, we would be there to catch her if she fell. We were there to save her from herself, from her thinking that she could handle anything. Well, we are back there again. We are ready to stand ready to catch her. This time, she doesn't want us there. This time, the stakes are higher. This time, the consequences could be more than a scratch or a bruise. This time, we have to pray that we have done enough, and turn it over to Heavenly Father in prayer.
This time, she may have to catch herself. We'll have to wait and see if she will.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Let the Wild Paint Start
OK, so I think I scared everyone off with the last ranting. Sorry - I am calmer now. Lara's suggestion was well-taken. I postponed the carpet for our bedroom until the 7th of June. I am taking time to plan the paint, etc. The other two rooms will get carpet this Tuesday, which we can deal with. Those rooms don't need paint for now. I will then paint our room myself. Yep - me.myself. and I. I got a paint estimate that was more than the carpet, so I will do it myself.
In fact, in preparation, I am painting this - the only room in our house that has NEVER gotten any attention and still has the icky builder beige on it. Our teeny master bath that I hate. I think I have allowed MAYBE one or two friends to ever enter it's doorway. It IS Gross:
NO cupboards, shelves, or cabinets. What builder designs a room like that? Craziness. I have plans, though. That's why I'm showing it BEFORE. I took out everything to prepare for painting. Ok, a bottle or two remain.
Here is the best part, though:
NEW FLOORING!
Yep - lovely stone. Ok, not really stone. Fake Stone. It's Vinyl made to LOOK like stone. I love it.
So, we are getting there. Baby steps. I should be gardening. Ahhh... my little gardens. Haven't done a thing to those boxes except let the tomato plants regrow from last year. Great. I should have been painting during the BLIZZARDS! Silly me.
I"ll have to wait a while....
In fact, in preparation, I am painting this - the only room in our house that has NEVER gotten any attention and still has the icky builder beige on it. Our teeny master bath that I hate. I think I have allowed MAYBE one or two friends to ever enter it's doorway. It IS Gross:
NO cupboards, shelves, or cabinets. What builder designs a room like that? Craziness. I have plans, though. That's why I'm showing it BEFORE. I took out everything to prepare for painting. Ok, a bottle or two remain.
Here is the best part, though:
Yep - lovely stone. Ok, not really stone. Fake Stone. It's Vinyl made to LOOK like stone. I love it.
So, we are getting there. Baby steps. I should be gardening. Ahhh... my little gardens. Haven't done a thing to those boxes except let the tomato plants regrow from last year. Great. I should have been painting during the BLIZZARDS! Silly me.
I"ll have to wait a while....
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Carpet Crazy
So, I am stressing. Seriously stressing. I should have talked to Kellie before I made a move. Kellie was stressing over her oldest son and his new fiancee coming for the weekend. She has great wisdom. I started stressing a couple of weeks ago about B's "friend girl" coming (I hope she doesn't read this blog yet.... :) ). Our house is about 16 years old and the carpet upstairs is horrible and old and needs replacing. When I found out "she" was coming, I got this BRIGHT idea that I needed to finally get new carpet for the upstairs. Great idea. I even picked it out quickly! Unheard of for me. I even paid for half of it already. It is written in stone.
So, then I get another GREAT idea that our bedroom needs painting. It really does and has needed it for a while. I thought - OOOH, I'll get a estimate for having it painted. It's kind of a dark color currently. Yea - the painting would cost more than the carpet. So, I continue to stress.
I mean, who gets new carpet FIRST before painting? I have spilled many a paint can in my days on new carpeting. The first time was in high school when I helped the mom of my boyfriend paint walls at her daycare center. Yes - Clutzo tripped over a HUGE 5 gallon paint can and.....you can imagine. Embarrassment and carpet cleaners called. But I digress....
So yes, now I am stressing over the fact that I will have to do the painting. I don't want to do it, nor do I have the time before "she" comes and before the carpet is scheduled. Hubby says to breathe and to quit worrying about it and just get the carpet.
BUT, just the carpet - do you know what that entails?? We have a small upstairs. There is no way that we can move all the S T U F F from 3 bedrooms (one with a large sitting room with all my craft, sewing, and office S T U F F ) out of the way for the carpet guys to come all in one day. I need to divide it in to two days. But, then, which room goes first? And, how do we get it all back together before "she" comes?
And, besides all THAT, I don't even know what colors I would paint! Who paints when they don't have the whole plan together of the "look" they are going for? I don't have " a look" decided on. What the heck was I thinking??
And, I am also thinking, "she" really wouldn't have cared either.
So why did I??
I thought being 50 and all, I would have figured this out and not be losing my mind. Wrong.
(And, if "she" is reading this, please don't tell me for about 5 years....if "she" is still reading then).
So, then I get another GREAT idea that our bedroom needs painting. It really does and has needed it for a while. I thought - OOOH, I'll get a estimate for having it painted. It's kind of a dark color currently. Yea - the painting would cost more than the carpet. So, I continue to stress.
I mean, who gets new carpet FIRST before painting? I have spilled many a paint can in my days on new carpeting. The first time was in high school when I helped the mom of my boyfriend paint walls at her daycare center. Yes - Clutzo tripped over a HUGE 5 gallon paint can and.....you can imagine. Embarrassment and carpet cleaners called. But I digress....
So yes, now I am stressing over the fact that I will have to do the painting. I don't want to do it, nor do I have the time before "she" comes and before the carpet is scheduled. Hubby says to breathe and to quit worrying about it and just get the carpet.
BUT, just the carpet - do you know what that entails?? We have a small upstairs. There is no way that we can move all the S T U F F from 3 bedrooms (one with a large sitting room with all my craft, sewing, and office S T U F F ) out of the way for the carpet guys to come all in one day. I need to divide it in to two days. But, then, which room goes first? And, how do we get it all back together before "she" comes?
And, besides all THAT, I don't even know what colors I would paint! Who paints when they don't have the whole plan together of the "look" they are going for? I don't have " a look" decided on. What the heck was I thinking??
And, I am also thinking, "she" really wouldn't have cared either.
So why did I??
I thought being 50 and all, I would have figured this out and not be losing my mind. Wrong.
(And, if "she" is reading this, please don't tell me for about 5 years....if "she" is still reading then).
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Prom Packaging
L is a Senior. Last night her prom was held. It was her first. She looked like a slightly "punk" Cinderella. Gorgeous. She didn't leave school early to attend a spa or have her hair and nails done and her body scrubbed. Many girls do that - I don't really get that, and she doesn't either. "This isn't a wedding" was our mantra. Thank Heavens - on multiple levels.
We started prom dress shopping in March. She has no problem keeping the standards of dress that our church follows. Finding a dress on this side of the country that honors that is much more difficult. While I could have sewn one for her myself, or ordered one online from some companies who support dressing modestly, we decided to shop for a dress and see if it would be fairly simple to modify. I have several friends who have done that, so I figured I could do that as well.
L is wonderful to shop with. She knows what she wants and when she sees it, she's done. When she was younger, that bothered me - I wanted more of an "experience" shopping with my daughter. You know - "hmmmm.... well, let's see what the other 50 stores have before we get THAT one". Nope - she wasn't having it. I now appreciate that talent in her very much. I wish I had it. When we walked into the first store the first time shopping, she saw it, loved it, tried it on, and we bought it and were done! Sweet.
Here is what it looked like before:
And here is the after. I like the black satin sleeves - I think they "add" to the look, besides covering up my daughter:
They were pretty easy to slip-stitch in. Because L is only 5'1", I had to also take up the length. I did that by just folding up and matching seems and layers that were already in the dress, and tacking them in place. The affect it had was to make it much more poofy and "cinderella-ish". Worked for her!
She looked like a princess and had a wonderful evening. Maybe we'll add a photo of her and the "boy".... and, maybe not. You'll have to WAIT and see.... :)
We started prom dress shopping in March. She has no problem keeping the standards of dress that our church follows. Finding a dress on this side of the country that honors that is much more difficult. While I could have sewn one for her myself, or ordered one online from some companies who support dressing modestly, we decided to shop for a dress and see if it would be fairly simple to modify. I have several friends who have done that, so I figured I could do that as well.
L is wonderful to shop with. She knows what she wants and when she sees it, she's done. When she was younger, that bothered me - I wanted more of an "experience" shopping with my daughter. You know - "hmmmm.... well, let's see what the other 50 stores have before we get THAT one". Nope - she wasn't having it. I now appreciate that talent in her very much. I wish I had it. When we walked into the first store the first time shopping, she saw it, loved it, tried it on, and we bought it and were done! Sweet.
Here is what it looked like before:
And here is the after. I like the black satin sleeves - I think they "add" to the look, besides covering up my daughter:
They were pretty easy to slip-stitch in. Because L is only 5'1", I had to also take up the length. I did that by just folding up and matching seems and layers that were already in the dress, and tacking them in place. The affect it had was to make it much more poofy and "cinderella-ish". Worked for her!
She looked like a princess and had a wonderful evening. Maybe we'll add a photo of her and the "boy".... and, maybe not. You'll have to WAIT and see.... :)
Friday, April 30, 2010
Trying to "Measure Success Properly"
I haven't blogged for about 6 weeks. I haven't really read other people's blogs very much lately. A lot has happened since my last post. I was busy for two weeks getting ready to go out west to visit family and a few friends, and then to drive across America with my son. I was gone on that trip for almost two weeks. Then, I've taken almost two weeks of being home to try and catch up on what I missed for being GONE for almost two weeks. You know the drill....
All of that craziness has brought on feelings of being quite overwhelmed. My head knows that we women never really "catch up". Yet, my heart is so frustrated that I can't. With my new church calling and an increase in my work, I have been more tired and harried than I have been for years. I count my new church calling AND the increase in work as huge blessings....yet, with them, comes more responsibility and demands on my time.
As I sat down this morning to study scriptures, I decided to work my way through the talks from our last General Conference Broadcast from Salt Lake City. Next one up for me was the one by Julie B. Beck, my current heroine. Wouldn't you know that this talk is exactly what I needed to read today?
Here are a couple of highlights:
"A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently.
"Good women always have a desire to know if they are succeeding. In a world where the measures of success are often distorted, it is important to seek appreciation and affirmation from proper sources. To paraphrase a list found in Preach My Gospel, we are doing well when we develop attributes of Christ and strive to obey His gospel with exactness. We are doing well when we seek to improve ourselves and do our best. We are doing well when we increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek out and help others who are in need. We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us.
"Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly.
I will search for some peace, joy, and hope today and try to not worry about the weeds, dust bunnies, and unfinished projects and laundry. I am grateful for the Lord's inspiration today to read this wonderful message.
All of that craziness has brought on feelings of being quite overwhelmed. My head knows that we women never really "catch up". Yet, my heart is so frustrated that I can't. With my new church calling and an increase in my work, I have been more tired and harried than I have been for years. I count my new church calling AND the increase in work as huge blessings....yet, with them, comes more responsibility and demands on my time.
As I sat down this morning to study scriptures, I decided to work my way through the talks from our last General Conference Broadcast from Salt Lake City. Next one up for me was the one by Julie B. Beck, my current heroine. Wouldn't you know that this talk is exactly what I needed to read today?
Here are a couple of highlights:
"A good woman knows that she does not have enough time, energy, or opportunity to take care of all of the people or do all of the worthy things her heart yearns to do. Life is not calm for most women, and each day seems to require the accomplishment of a million things, most of which are important. A good woman must constantly resist alluring and deceptive messages from many sources telling her that she is entitled to more time away from her responsibilities and that she deserves a life of greater ease and independence. But with personal revelation, she can prioritize correctly and navigate this life confidently.
"Good women always have a desire to know if they are succeeding. In a world where the measures of success are often distorted, it is important to seek appreciation and affirmation from proper sources. To paraphrase a list found in Preach My Gospel, we are doing well when we develop attributes of Christ and strive to obey His gospel with exactness. We are doing well when we seek to improve ourselves and do our best. We are doing well when we increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek out and help others who are in need. We know we are successful if we live so that we qualify for, receive, and know how to follow the Spirit. When we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we will not be disappointed in ourselves. We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working through us.
"Peace, joy, and hope are available to those who measure success properly.
I will search for some peace, joy, and hope today and try to not worry about the weeds, dust bunnies, and unfinished projects and laundry. I am grateful for the Lord's inspiration today to read this wonderful message.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
3 in 1
Today has been quite the day. Three important events have occured, none of which have anything to do with the other. Still, all three impact my life and my family's lives in crucial ways.
First, the Health Care bill passed in Congress. I do not support this bill. I do not want more government control of my life. I do not want my future grandchildren to pay for this "great idea". I do think health care has big issues and needs some fixing, but not like this. I blog about all of that in another place. So, keep reading....
Second, I was asked to serve in a new calling in my church. For my readers of other faiths, women in my church are members of the Relief Society. It is the oldest and largest women's organization in the world as far as records show. Our church's members are divided up in congregations based on where people live, called wards. Those wards are then organized together into what are called stakes - usually 6-9 congregations form a stake. Well, I was asked to serve as the Relief Society President over our stake - which includes about 1,000 LDS women. I accepted that request to serve. I look forward to the many experiences that lie ahead of me and to meeting all the great women who live within these boundaries. It is a big responsbility, but I have faith that the Lord will bless me and help me to rise to the occasion.
Third, and most importantly, today is L's Day. My wonderful precious children (who are now of adult age) are adopted. 18 years ago today, my precious daughter joined our family. We prayed for her for so many years to hurry up and come to us. She was 8 weeks old when I finally got to hold her and kiss her and sing to her.
She blesses my life every day. Our family tradition is that we celebrate our children's "Day" with cakes, carefully personalized meal choices, and discussion of the day they "came home". We had to postpone the celebration for this year because....L is sick.
Fear not - the tradition will continue as long as my "babies" will allow.
(bottom photo by Kellie Nuss Photography)
First, the Health Care bill passed in Congress. I do not support this bill. I do not want more government control of my life. I do not want my future grandchildren to pay for this "great idea". I do think health care has big issues and needs some fixing, but not like this. I blog about all of that in another place. So, keep reading....
Second, I was asked to serve in a new calling in my church. For my readers of other faiths, women in my church are members of the Relief Society. It is the oldest and largest women's organization in the world as far as records show. Our church's members are divided up in congregations based on where people live, called wards. Those wards are then organized together into what are called stakes - usually 6-9 congregations form a stake. Well, I was asked to serve as the Relief Society President over our stake - which includes about 1,000 LDS women. I accepted that request to serve. I look forward to the many experiences that lie ahead of me and to meeting all the great women who live within these boundaries. It is a big responsbility, but I have faith that the Lord will bless me and help me to rise to the occasion.
Third, and most importantly, today is L's Day. My wonderful precious children (who are now of adult age) are adopted. 18 years ago today, my precious daughter joined our family. We prayed for her for so many years to hurry up and come to us. She was 8 weeks old when I finally got to hold her and kiss her and sing to her.
All I could see were her gorgeous dark eyes with dark eyebrows and long eyelashes.
She was beautiful. She still is.
She blesses my life every day. Our family tradition is that we celebrate our children's "Day" with cakes, carefully personalized meal choices, and discussion of the day they "came home". We had to postpone the celebration for this year because....L is sick.
Fear not - the tradition will continue as long as my "babies" will allow.
(bottom photo by Kellie Nuss Photography)
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Blog Slacker
What I've been up to:
~Obviously not blogging.
~Ordering family pictures and L's Senior pictures
~Trying to plan a trip to visit family in AZ
~Watching all the snow melt
~Trying to get my teeny business's paperwork organized for taxes as well as just for me
~Working hard at that business and watching it actually grow a little
~Worrying a lot about our country, feeling paralyzed about it daily
~Eating better and exercising more
~Counting my blessings
~Worrying about my husband working WAY too hard, yet knowing that for now, he has to
~Trying to learn Excel - ugh
~Wanting to paint my TEENY master bath, yet hesitating for countless reasons
~Dreading getting my garden boxes ready - yes, true
~Wishing I did not have a great big above-ground pool/over-sized bathtub in my backyard to deal with all summer when no one swims in it
~Surveying how many plants and bushes are destroyed because of heavy snow
~Wanting to move to a different house, yet no time to really get into that
~Working with college son B to figure out if he will be living here for the summer or living and working elsewhere
~Wondering how to get my 18 year old to WANT to learn drive and to get over the fear of it - BOTH of us
~Beginning the Young Women's Personal Progress - as my daughter finishes it (follow this and find out that all LDS women are encouraged to join in)
~Connecting with long lost cousins on Facebook
~Working with Hubby to get our Emergency Preparedness where it needs to be
~Needing a wife (see hard-working husband above)
~Feeling guilty for not doing more Family History work
~Wanting an Iphone but realizing I can't get one until August
~Working on the Family Photo Book for 2009 - wanting more time for that
~Realizing how blessed I am to have wonderful family and so many friends who also are family
~Grateful that daughter L is doing so well
~NOT worrying about L, which feels really, really good
~Wondering if I should be worrying about L, and thinking I might be missing something?
~Juggling two church callings, enjoying them both, but wishing I could dedicate more time to just one
Wow - making a list like that makes me feel better! You should try it .
~Obviously not blogging.
~Ordering family pictures and L's Senior pictures
~Trying to plan a trip to visit family in AZ
~Watching all the snow melt
~Trying to get my teeny business's paperwork organized for taxes as well as just for me
~Working hard at that business and watching it actually grow a little
~Worrying a lot about our country, feeling paralyzed about it daily
~Eating better and exercising more
~Counting my blessings
~Worrying about my husband working WAY too hard, yet knowing that for now, he has to
~Trying to learn Excel - ugh
~Wanting to paint my TEENY master bath, yet hesitating for countless reasons
~Dreading getting my garden boxes ready - yes, true
~Wishing I did not have a great big above-ground pool/over-sized bathtub in my backyard to deal with all summer when no one swims in it
~Surveying how many plants and bushes are destroyed because of heavy snow
~Wanting to move to a different house, yet no time to really get into that
~Working with college son B to figure out if he will be living here for the summer or living and working elsewhere
~Wondering how to get my 18 year old to WANT to learn drive and to get over the fear of it - BOTH of us
~Beginning the Young Women's Personal Progress - as my daughter finishes it (follow this and find out that all LDS women are encouraged to join in)
~Connecting with long lost cousins on Facebook
~Working with Hubby to get our Emergency Preparedness where it needs to be
~Needing a wife (see hard-working husband above)
~Feeling guilty for not doing more Family History work
~Wanting an Iphone but realizing I can't get one until August
~Working on the Family Photo Book for 2009 - wanting more time for that
~Realizing how blessed I am to have wonderful family and so many friends who also are family
~Grateful that daughter L is doing so well
~NOT worrying about L, which feels really, really good
~Wondering if I should be worrying about L, and thinking I might be missing something?
~Juggling two church callings, enjoying them both, but wishing I could dedicate more time to just one
Wow - making a list like that makes me feel better! You should try it .
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